“Use this backpack.” I said to him as he doesn’t have anything that will let him carry his spiderman costume. I asked myself “what would I use if I let him use my bag?” That bag has been with me for 5 years. I have walked through many difficult times carrying everything that I need or not on that bag. My cousin always implies “Dala mo naman yang buong buhay mo?” (You’re carrying your whole life again?) as I could not leave the house without it. After that, Zenia flew miles to get him started with sailor’s job along with my favorite bag. That bag which I borrowed from Amihan. She completely is not happy with it still because that’s her bag in the first place.
My mind is blank right now.
I still have no idea what am I doing right now. To tell you honestly, starting this year has made me a little confused on what to choose as my destination. As opposed to having only one plan last year, this year I have two choices; To choose to continue what I have been planning to do which is to go abroad and work hard as I can to save money. To choose to accept my best friend’s offer to take care of his income and use it to jump start a business. You see, that’s two different things inside me.
Wouldn’t be the second one a very good idea? I would never have to leave my country and I can do whatever I want. I can plan things according to my preferences. I can do the things that I love to do and spend more time with it without ever thinking about the finances. Yes, that’s a great idea. But that’s too much pressure on my part.
My mind is still blank right now.
My initial plan was to go and get lost. Pass the exam and go to a place where nobody knows me. I would work hard on weekdays, coffee after it, have some dinner with some acquaintances, go home and continue to draw and make artworks. On weekends, I’d travel to where the snowboard is. Snowboarding until I could not. Go home on a Sunday afternoon and repeat. It was my plan to not to communicate to the people that I used to talk to. Forget my friends, forget everyone back in my land. Be the anonymous person that I can be. That’s what I sought to do. That’s how I picture my life in five years. The most loneliest selfish plan I ever imagined.
That plan has changed. My best friend convinced me to stay and forget about that selfish dream. The dream of not leaving has popped into my head as he offered. He said I could make my dreams come true and he shall work hard for it. He will set sail and make sure every dollar earned will be saved to put up our own business. How awful is this position? How hard is his decision? How heavy is this responsibility? How crazy it is for someone who the least I could thought of would trust me so immense that it freaks the crap out of me.
Why am I writing right now?
Again, I could not handle my thoughts.
Zenia will leave tomorrow with my backpack and Amihan is still clueless. Since I have been traveling around my country with it and he will set sail around the world, I asked him to take care of it and probably take pictures with it in every country that he visits. I was thinking I could make a good story about it and maybe name it as
“The Brotherhood of Traveling Backpack.”
I need to fix all these plans.