How Long Is Enough?


“At some point, I say, smoking saved my life.”

Whoever said smoking saves life, is an idiot.

Technically it kills people and all other breathing things according to my perception. I had a deep reason why I smoke and writing about this makes me feel I am telling the world about this addiction.

Why do I smoke?

Let me quote Alaska of ‘Looking for Alaska’ by John Green, “Ya’ll smoke to enjoy it. I smoke to die.” But don’t worry, that’s not my reason.

It’s a bit difficult situation to explain because why would I explain this one? I don’t know. Well, first thing’s first, I first started smoking when I was in 3rd year college with two of my high school mates during a festival here in my city. Thinking about it, it was back then free to smoke every where and anywhere unlike now you’re not gonna be able to smoke elsewhere at random except for designated 4 x 4 spots with figures and images of dying people of 100 something reasons for smoking. It’s not that effective because smokers are dumb asses and they think they’re gonna die anyway.

Well, right after that first, it never came into my mind until I started working in a bank which makes it everything worst. I’ve had 8/10 smoker co-employees and 70% of them are women with red lipsticks on. Looks cool but you know, dying is not cool. They might also have their reason to smoke. In my case, well, apart from the toxic work experience and my personal issues over adulthood anxieties, my personal reason of smoking is because it’s like a rubber. It erases my thoughts for a while.

I’ve been smoking for 5 years from my unripe adulthood to my almost adult kind of person life…but not seriously like a chainsmoker or puff-daddy. BUT, there was this “a year of no smoking” for me by the way and it was because of this one kid inspiration.

That was 2015.

2016, I was like so into it that I completely have engaged myself into smoking during mornings, and surprisingly at lunch. I met this guy, he was like my smoking buddy and we were both tolerating each other and let each one of us die because of smoking albeit we encourage each other to stop but eventually forgot.

It was that subject when I realized you could earn friendship with smoking. Of course, it was undeniably not a good thing to think of, but hey, with all the honesty, it’s a fact. Because of those short conversations over a cigarette, we’ve had unlimited thoughts on how we should change our lives to be a little less of a dumb ass.

If it weren’t for smoking, I wouldn’t have met my best friend now who randomly pops out of nowhere and ask for us to smoke. Because of smoking, we’ve had tons of conversations about how our life should have been and how we should level up from all our negative circumstances in the past. We’ve established our very own restaurant, we’ve formed our charitable organization which we founded, we’ve helped kids at the orphanage, we’ve had numerous YOLO moments, had unplanned travels and all the  shit  load of things that will happen in the future.

I just want to quit.

This is ironically making my life a little less miserable, I guess?

How long is enough?